Unboxing

Opening a Pandora's Box of memories can be quite the event for an overly sentimental old fool. Reactions can range from "aww" to downright cringe. 

Now, make that two boxes filled with over two decades' worth of memories and we'll see what that will do to that aforesaid fool.

That sentimental old fool in question by the way is moi.

A week's worth of deep cleaning unearthed two cute tin boxes that contain every imaginable stuff that was meaningful to a younger Miss Lotts. Postcards from friends, postcards sent to myself, letters from family and friends, some cheesy and swoon/cringe-worthy missives (ahem); notes surreptitiously passed during class that predate texting (yeah I'm that old), and even bits of trash that I do not remember why I kept them in the first place. 

The older of the two boxes also contains the beginning of my journalling days: my little blue notebooks. I started buying them around my sophomore year of college after my best friend D got me into writing down my random thoughts. I was that kid who grew up thinking that writing in diaries was super corny because I thought every entry should start with a "Dear Diary". And "Dear Diary" just sounds too cheesy and corny to my young ears at the time. 

Of course D set me straight on that grave misconception and thus started me out with passing notes written on yellow pad paper about anything that comes to mind. Notes that included lyrics to a commercial jingle and whatnot from what I can remember. It was when D transferred to another university that finally I bought my first little blue notebook, for who will I pass a note to when she's so far away already, no?

Like Pandora, I was curious to see what those tin boxes contain. While I know what's literally inside them, I have no idea how opening them will affect me this time. A tug of the lid and a quick riffle through the contents was enough to bombard me with memories of a little more than half my lifetime. All in just under a minute. 

Now, what if I read just one thing? Say, a card. Well, I just about died reading the super short note inside it. So many what-ifs danced in my head. Consider that box closed for life.

Unlike Pandora, however, I have plenty of opportunities to change my mind about opening the boxes. So I reopened that particular box tonight and pulled out one of the cringey notebooks to read. Anyone who heard me howling with derisive laughter and comforting and cursing my nineteen-year-old self at the same time would think I have finally lost my mind. I would think so too.

horizontal (not) running

no idea as to when i started lying on the couch right after work, but i am pretty sure it's been a month already. 

a month of staying horizontal more than vertical because i just feel like it.

my brain wants me to practise arnis more

bake more

cook more

tend to the garden more

but no, the call of the couch is louder.

so i lie down and get dazed by the glare of my phone

scrolling

scrolling

scrolling

sometimes reading 

or staring out the window and into nothingness

or just closing my eyes

cos dreams are better than the reality.

============================

everything that occurred before 2020 tends to feel more like a dream now as each day passes by. that's all.

LSS: If The Love Fits Wear It by Leslie Pearl

Whenever someone asks me about my favourite music, I can never give a specific genre. It's always a little bit of this and that with a few hard passes. This is because as long as the melody of a certain song catches my ear, chances are I'll be obsessed about it. Bonus points if the lyrics speak to moi.

Leslie Pearl's gem of a song If The Love Fits Wear It is one of them. Much like The Four Seasons' Let's Hang On!, what caught my ear is the melody of this song's chorus. I loved this song even more after being able to really listen to it.

I have been hearing If The Love Fits Wear It on the radio over the years without knowing the title. Even if I wanted to search for the lyrics online, the noise level in public transportation makes it difficult to do so. I remember actually searching for websites that can recognise a song just by humming. The most applicable one I could find was Google Assistant that's found on newer phones. 

Oh, well. I have lasted decades here on earth without having the pleasure of knowing what the song is except for the melody so I gave up for the meantime.

Last week, I bought a new phone since my old one had (still has) storage issues. Tinkering with it brought about a fresh realisation.

The new phone has Google Assistant. 😍

And so at long last I was able to search for the song by humming it on the app on the new phone, resulting in a 13% chance of it being a match. I tapped on the first result and oh my goodness. Call me mababaw but I felt so triumphant finally learning the song's title and the singer. As of this writing I can already declare that If The Love Fits Wear It will be one of the top songs in my Spotify On Repeat playlist by yearend.

Yep. TALK. ABOUT. OBSESSED. HA.

A Top 40 hit, If The Love Fits Wear It was written by Leslie Pearl and is one of the tracks of her second album Words and Music in 1982. It is no surprise that this song enjoyed a good 16 weeks on the Billboard Hot 100 in 14th August that same year, peaking at number 28 and at number 7 on the Adult Contemporary chart. The word play in the song's chorus is brilliantly executed. The tune is more than catchy; it has that mellow, feel-good quality to it. As a whole, If The Love Fits Wear It keeps it simple, yet is straightforward and unpretentious. 

As anyone's approach to romance should be. But we all know that's not the case. 😂

Hit play, as always!

Lyrics:

You say you're not sure about love

If this thing we got together is real

But I say what are you afraid of?

You're a man now and you know how to feel

Look to your heart

And the answer will be

Such a very simple thing

But if the love fits wear it, baby

And if it feels good, put it on

And if it's not right then just maybe

You'd be better off to leave it alone

But if the love fits wear it baby

And if it feels good, put it on

And if it looks right then just maybe

This love we have is where you belong

Baby you've got nothin' to lose

You can try it on and see if it suits you

And maybe, if it's not right for you

You can turn and walk away if you choose to

I want you to stay

Cause you feel good to me

But I'll leave it up to you

And if the love fits wear it, baby

And if it feels good, put it on

And if it's not right then just maybe

You'd be better off to leave it alone

But if the love fits wear it baby

And if it feels good, put it on

And if it looks right then just maybe

This love we have is where you belong

I'd like to hold you for I love you a lot

And try to make you understand

We got a good thing and it fits us so tight

But what can I do?

It's up to you

But if the love fits wear it, baby

And if it feels good, put it on

And if it's not right then just maybe

You'd be better off to leave it alone

But if the love fits wear it baby

And if it feels good, put it on

And if it looks right then just maybe

This love we have is where you belong

proust questionnaire 2021

What is your current state of mind?

blah.

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
being away from all the stressors

What is your greatest fear?
living with the knowledge that the last words my loved ones heard from me are harsh ones.

Which living person do you most admire?
daphne osena-paez. she's so classy and makes the girly stuff fun. she hasn't an ounce of kaartehan in her.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
procrastination, impatience

What is the trait you most deplore in others?
being manipulative, pabibo

What is it that you most dislike?
political correctness

What is your greatest extravagance?
books and food

What do you most value in your friends?
loyalty, trust

What is your favorite journey?
from this past decade: hkg 2015, dvo 2015

What are your most treasured possessions?
notebook and pen

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
bahala ka sa buhay mo

What is your favorite color?
red

What is your favorite flower?
rose

What are your favorite names?
antulio, soren, gonzalo, osvaldo, romulus, alba, christine, elizabeth, amanda

What or who is the greatest love of your life?
my loved ones.

When and where were you happiest?
any time and place i'm away from the harbinger of stress.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
if physical trait: hair type. if anything about the mind: become a math whiz. ;p

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
i don't feel like anything i do anymore is an achievement.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
being anywhere near that freaking stressor

What is your favorite occupation?
anything that catches my fancy.

What are your most marked characteristics?
silver rings, ratty sneakers, my penchant for the unconventional and inconvenient; sarcasm, kasungitan

Who are your favorite heroes of fiction?
anne shirley, tintin

How would you like to die?
still by a car accident or a gunshot wound.

What is your motto?
don't judge the book by its cover

the great (over)sleep

guess i should put it out here for posterity. for the first time in history, i slept all morning yesterday. people in my inner circle would know how i moan and groan about how i get only 5-6 hours of sleep each night. granted, i woke up at 5am yesterday thanks or no thanks to my body clock, checked my phone for a bit, then fell back asleep after a while. it must have been such a sound one though cos the next time i woke up, it was already super warm in my room which meant it was already noon or nearing it. it was about 11.15. i basked in this rare feat for a while and then i really had to get up since the heat was becoming unbearable. 

this reminds me of a friend of mine whose body clock is so whacked that she has this enviable feat of sleeping all morning. i am only slightly jealous of that since i only wanted to have the ability to have an interrupted sleep, not a body clock that is more constantly in sync with a time zone eight hours behind ours. we often joke about it with me asking her for some of her sleeping "energy" the way she does.

so anyway. one of my adult wishes was granted yesterday. grabe, i feel so proud of myself. ha! wala lang. 

LSS: The Kat Edmonson Show

Music has been and always will be an important part of this old girl's life. Next to reading, I cannot go a day without listening to music. Sometimes it's just one song for the whole day or even a week, but nevertheless, listening to music really hits the spot. 

It was especially helpful last year when emotions were just all over the place, being cooped up in the house for so long with people with different temperaments and all. So I play whatever music that suits my mood for the day and just relax whenever I have the chance to be by myself. 

One of the singers I listened to the most would be the amazing Kat Edmonson, who I've been a fan of since 2014. It was in February 2020 that I came across her new song "In a World of My Own", one of the tracks in Kat's latest album Dreamers Do. 

Kat was touring with her band to promote Dreamers Do around that same time and come March, they, along with everyone else around the globe, were told to go home because of the pandemic. People who have 9-5 jobs have it easier in terms of making ends meet since they could work at home. But for Kat and other artists out there who depend on live shows and such, it was a blow financially.  

Not long after quarantine started, Kat came up with the idea of doing a livestream from her living room. It was something that she reluctantly approached. Good thing she eventually embraced it as it was a fulfillment of her shows that she put up for visitors as a kid! How awesome is that? 

I was especially excited for the show because not only is it on a "pay what you will" basis, it also streams at a decent time given the time difference between Manila and New York, which means I'll have the opportunity to see Kat perform live. On 19 April 2020, The Kat Edmonson Show first streamed on Facebook. It was a shaky yet a fun beginning to what would become a weekly live show streamed on several platforms every Sunday at 7pm ET, enjoyed by fans from around the world. 

In honour of the show's first anniversary, here are five reasons why I love watching The Kat Edmonson Show, listed in no particular order:

1. Music education. I love listening to old songs. The older, the better. TKES features a lot of old songs ranging from the early 1900s to the 1950s. Not only are viewers in for a treat with Kat's beautiful renditions of these songs, we also get to learn some fun facts about the song and the artist who sung it. There's even a giveaway or two if you could answer a question correctly. Unfortunately I can never answer the questions since I still have a long way to go about vintage American movies and songs. 

2. The Kat Gang. Kataholics. Dreamers. Or whatever we Kat Edmonson fans would like to call ourselves. For some time people simply shared their thoughts on the comments section but as time went by, people have begun interacting. I myself have shared some good-natured ribbing with the other viewers and have looked forward to seeing them at the show as well. We may not be together physically but there's that sense of comfortable companionship as we tune in to Kat's show. Not too long ago a fan asked what should the Kat Edmonson fans be called. The three I have mentioned above are just some of the many witty suggestions given by fans. Up until now there's no official name but if there would be a poll, I'd go for Kat Gang or Kat Pack. (edit: there's a poll now and happy to see my choice there!)

3. Kat's stories. In relation to #1, I enjoy listening to her stories about how she came into the music scene as well as the backstory of each song that she wrote/co-wrote. Basically anything she shares that gives people a sneak peek into her life. Hearing them makes me feel like she's a great friend to have. How Kat tells stories is also quite hypnotic to be honest. She could totally do voiceovers if she wants. 

4. Kat's team/friends. They may be behind the scenes but they can be definitely felt all throughout each episode. There is Tyler who is her tech support at the show along with Aaron (percussions); the other band members Matt Ray, Roy Dunlap, Bob Hart, Matt Munisteri, and Al Street who provide wonderful accompaniment to each song; and special guests Christina Kulick, Duchess, Milton, and Michael Arthur, among others who have been featured alongside Kat in several episodes. 

5. Kat herself. Need I say more? But of course. Everyone knows how much she loves her supportive mum Sue, who is always present at every show. And everyone knows when Aaron is skating on thin ice. 😂Kat's aim for the show is for it to be an intimate time with close friends. Seeing how she interacts so naturally with each fan as if we're all together in the same room physically, I'd say she totally nailed it. Someone even said that it's like being with a group of friends sitting by a fire. Which is totally true. I have only interacted with Kat online, but I and everyone else who has tuned in to the show week after week had gotten to know her more on a deeper level somehow. 

Here are also some of my favourite memories of the show:

1. The fireside chat back in November. That was so cosy and even if Kat had a stiff neck that time, she went through with the show and chatted with us over cider and other drinks. I really enjoyed that even though I had no idea about the daylight savings time and therefore was late in tuning in.

2. Christmas special. I made sure to watch this on TV, and it was a good decision. Many of my favourite Christmas songs were sung and that night/day was such a festive time that I didn't realise that two hours had already passed. This is also the episode when Duchess made a special appearance, singing Mele Kalikimaka along with Kat. 

3. Valentine's special. There was a promo for the Valentine's show then, buy a Kat Edmonson tote bag with a free song dedication. Of course I bought one and dedicated the song Go to Sleep to my superduperultramegaover cutie nephew. Showed that segment to my brother and sis-in-law since the nephew is still too little. Good thing he's not too little to appreciate great music when he hears one. On a side note, the tote bag didn't just come by itself... a handwritten note from Kat arrived with it as well!

A year has now passed. So many memories have been made through the show and there are more to be had in the future. With 47 episodes behind them and 47 million more livestream shows to go (ha!), I can say that The Kat Edmonson Show is definitely one of the best things that came out of this pandemic. It has definitely been a light that calms the soul in all the madness that surrounds us in the present. 

Happy first anniversary, TKES! Cheers to a year and more! 🍸

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Access to all things Kat Edmonson can be found here.

year one

i've been meaning to write in this thing for quite some time but was too lazy. well, i feel like writing now so here it is.

it's been a year and a week since luzon was placed in lockdown. and a year and a week hence, we are back to where we started. cases have risen once more and we are back to curfew. just curfew?! nocturnal daw kasi yung virus kaya ganun! 😆if i were them i'd have placed at least metro manila in temporary lockdown again. 

am not really surprised at the rise in cases. once the metro was placed in gcq, everything was back to pre-pandemic state practically in an instant. it's as if there's no virus lurking around. the only difference is that there's still the physical distancing, people are still wearing masks and face shields; the contact tracing forms are present in all establishments; alcohol and sanitisers still being sold by the gallons, etc. then again, the face shields and the filling out of contact tracing forms are going the way of becoming a mere suggestion, a distant memory, even. even if the regulations are still in place. 

prior to the recent surge in cases came the vaccines. finally! but even the vaccine rollout is currently thrashing under the insufferable politicking of some ldhjehfqlcmnlwwliehfe. my heart breaks for all of us who have to endure such incompetence.

so yep. we're back where we started with more cases than ever. so it's back to grocery deliveries. back to staying at home except for essential errands. just with the usual pre-pandemic noise of vehicles passing by. 

one saving grace at least on my end is that i am working from home once again just before the metro-wide curfew was announced. a little backstory. in the second half of 2020, i underwent a series of being placed in no-work, no pay status, being recalled, then placed back in nwnp until i finally got retrenched. such is the story of most people working in small businesses hit hard by the pandemic. finally got a job after some months of searching and had to work onsite for a month before we were deployed to our homes. so far, so good and i am enjoying it. 

i must say though, that one month of going out to work felt a bit like playing russian roulette with death. ha. or maybe that's just me being overly dramatic. but it can't be helped that there's that fear of catching covid every time i ride the train, get on an elevator, and anything that would require personal interactions. yet at the same time, there's that will to fight through that very fear that has kept us in our homes for the past year (as well as the fear of not being able to pay the bills lol). so i continue to wear my armour of prayers, alcohol, face mask, and face shield any time i am required to go out. at any rate, i'm just glad to be working from home again since i never liked going out that much, covid or no covid.

was sound tripping a few nights ago when i realised that the songs i was listening to were released around 2010-2015. and in some way i got to thinking, wow, we did have a life before all this madness. however, that life felt like a dream and we're living in this nightmare now. which reminds me of a previous post where i told my friend that i've quite forgotten what life was like before covid. that sentiment still holds true and i find myself reminiscing the "good old days"--2019 and further back--when i listen to music.

everyone sees 2020 as the most horrible year in recent history. some even consider it as "the-year-that-must-not-be-mentioned". if anything, 2020 showed what human nature really is like when faced with adversity, and the internet made it even easier to see it. there were the stories of hope and hopelessness. growth, regression, and stagnation were amplified in all sectors of society thanks or no thanks to social media. 

my 2020 experience is very much like my high school years and a certain year-that-must-not-be-mentioned--awful, with pockets of light shining through the parts that had managed to crack. that light meaning personal growth in every aspect, stuff learned, events that brighten up each week. meaning, i will always have mixed feelings about 2020 until the day i die. ha.