Managing Your Inner Monologue (Not Exactly a Self-Help Article)

Running inner monologue. This is something that people of the introvert sort are said to possess. However, I think everyone has this, only it's just more pronounced in introverts as they are more silent than others. But that silence is just on the surface; on the inside introverts are as loud as they can be. So many thoughts running through their minds, constantly tumbling, jumbling together into one organised mess that no one else could understand but them and their select peers.

Sometimes having a running inner monologue is comforting and entertaining. Sometimes it can get really annoying. And when it does so, you can't help but wish it had a pause or stop button. Or maybe a volume control. The good news is that it can be very easily managed. So for everyone out there who are having issues with their inner monologues, here are simple tips on how to manage your running inner monologue and even have fun with it:

1. Write. Yes, that's the first thing anyone should do when the inner monologue gets loud enough that you practically cover your ears to silence it. Your pen and notebook (or laptop if you prefer it) are your very best friends here. They're good listeners, they're silent, and they can go on and on without telling you to stop. Writing about what goes on in your head can give you ideas for stories. It brings out your creative side. Weave odes and tales that only your inner monologue and imagination can provide. They may come out as inspired and brilliant no matter what mood you are in when you write them. Or not. But who cares, what matters is that you managed to bring out your thoughts. That's what blogs (for sharing) and journals (NOT for sharing!) are for. Think of them as your own personal pensieve. Writing not your thing? Then...

2. Draw. Bring to life the inner recesses of your thoughts with your art. Light or dark, deep or comical, you'll never go wrong. Drawing stick figures and simple shapes is highly encouraged. Let your imagination go wild with your pencil, pen, crayons, oil pastels, paints, or what-have-you. Splash your world with colours. Thinking of animating your creations? Then take it to the next level, take an animation class. No one's going to hinder you. Maybe except for your resources. Bottom line, just draw. Period. (Other art forms are also very welcome.)

3. Talk. This can be a bane to people who find talking a tedious task. However, it can also be a boon because there's nothing like that light feeling afterwards of having unloaded your thoughts. Sharing what's in your mind goes very well with coffee and pastry. A word of caution though when you dare to tread in these waters. You have to take into consideration the possibility that the person you talk to might find you inane, trivial, or worst, loony because you look like you're just talking to yourself. So choose your person very well along with that coffee and pastry. When you've done so, then you've got the best combination ever. Ever, ever, ever. 

Questions? Suggestions? Comments? Drop me a line in the comment box. Cheers and advance happy new year!

for the first time in forever and for the first time in forever: reprise - frozen

two of my favourite songs from the movie. these songs give out so much broadway feels, really. much more than any other disney song imo. and oh, don't get me started on the lyrics. winner, winner, winner.

just hit play!








I CAN'T!!!

:)

so! three days before christmas. how time flies. time for another grateful list. ;)

- reunion and christmas party with college friends. i haven't seen a lot of them for years, and others since we graduated. so this was certainly a lovely and crazy night to remember. :D
- movie dubbing gigs. woohoo!!!
- answered prayers. prayed for a taxi driver who is nice, kind, and who wouldn't charge me more than the metred fare. also for a branded taxi. :)
- phase 2 of christmas cooking: done!  

randoms

akalain mo yun ilang araw na lang pasko na. bilis ng mga araw sobra.

------------------------------

no explanations. no apologies. no nothing.

------------------------------

more things that i'm thankful for:
1. cousin bonding. especially with those who are older than i and had cooler and better things to do than hang out with me when we were younger. now that we're older, we've gotten to this point in life where we're on an equal footing.
2. phase one of christmas cooking: done!
3. achieved cleaning and fixing my bookshelf. now i have more space for my new old books. ha.
4. lily allen's version of somewhere only we know, which is one of my favourite songs. she did a great rendition of it. love listening to it in the deep of night. :)
5. new old phone.
6. watched frozen for the second time. i can never get enough of it. after beauty and the beast and mulan, frozen is my newest fave disney animated movie.

thankful twenty

christmas season has indeed descended upon la manille. along with the rush of christmas shopping come the inevitable hordes of people in malls and horrendous traffic trapping people in vehicles... or leaving people stranded on the streets and scrambling for seats in jeepneys and buses. it's so easy to let my inner grinch out at this unfortunate yearly happening. but because i am i try hard to be considerate of people, i stay indoors as much as possible during the christmas rush... i'm just sorry that my cohabitants are the ones unfortunate to experience my grinchiness though. so what to do, what to do? focus instead on the finer, simpler joys that are so easy to overlook when emotions run high.

i've done this list in my old blog some six years ago, and then in my good old journal. these lists of gratitude are way better to read in the future than keeping a list of wrongs. and so, here is my pre-yearend list, randomly listed but the number 1 is really the first. hehe.

1. the back rub a kid gave me when i was so ready to collapse during the christmas show where i was an assistant stage manager. (my first time to be one so i was so strung up)
2. the kids knew their cues. when to get ready and when to get onstage.
3. was able to have a nice dinner and chat with an old friend.
4. arrow's episode 8 (the scientist)!!! :)
5. my sample writing was chosen among others for a writing gig. first time to do that kind of writing too. humbled and awed.
6. the opportunity to be there for a friend.
7. was able to have at least a civil conversation with friend and son.
8. lovely reviews on my fanfiction. tee-hee. ^_^
9. shane filan's everything to me. oh my, i got a lot of warm, fuzzy feels from this song. :)
10. taylor swift's 22. definitely, absolutely my song of the year.
11. frozen. what's not to love about that movie?? and i've discovered my new favourite disney princess. (queen elsa)
12. had a lot of great help from my cousin and nephew at the christmas show even if they were a bit hard to rein in. haha.
13. david baldacci's the sixth man. the woman who got ahold of the book first didn't buy it after all, so i did. thanks a lot, dear lady. one more book and my king and maxwell collection will be complete. :)
14. catching fire. i could hardly breathe during this 2.45 hours movie. i love it!
15. arrow!!! :D
16. glorious napping in the afternoon... for four hours. is that still considered napping?? ;p
17. a bed and a soft, fluffy pillow.
18. two snail mail from friends arrived in the mail yesterday! yahoooooooooooooooooooooo~
19. a new cell phone (a lovely hand-me-down from my bro).
20. the opportunity to make this list.

what a good time to remember all the good things that happened this year. again this is only a partial list and it spans 3 months. i have a lot of things to be thankful for this year. and among them would be the likely chance of sleeping soundly tonight even with the neighbours are singing on the videoke. ha.

advance happy christmas, y'all :)

let it go - frozen (idina menzel)

watched frozen last night. loved the movie!


lyrics:
The snow glows white on the mountain tonight
Not a footprint to be seen
A kingdom of isolation
And it looks like I'm the queen

The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside
Couldn't keep it in, heaven knows I've tried

Don't let them in, don't let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know
Well, now they know

Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door
I don't care what they're going to say
Let the storm rage on
The cold never bothered me anyway

It's funny how some distance makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me can't get to me at all
It's time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me
I'm free

Let it go, let it go
I am one with the wind and sky
Let it go, let it go
You'll never see me cry
Here I stand and here I'll stay
Let the storm rage on

My power flurries through the air into the ground
My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around
And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast
I'm never going back, the past is in the past

Let it go, let it go
And I'll rise like the break of dawn
Let it go, let it go
That perfect girl is gone
Here I stand in the light of day
Let the storm rage on
The cold never bothered me anyway

randoms

cos i am so good at that. ha.

=================

looniness
fake crying at the crack of dawn.
complete with fake tears.
much like amanda woods in the movie the holiday.
remind me never to drink coffee in the evening.

=================

 so good at last-minute productions.
wonder how i'll fare at this point in life.
argh.

=================

writing fanfics. my new hobby.
so happy too that i got to read more books this year. 

恋音と雨空 - AAA

came across this incredible band while channel surfing. so love the melody of this particular song of theirs even if i don't understand much of the lyrics. one reason why i love Japan so much is because of its music. it's very distinctive.

everything to me - shane filan

LSS (last song syndrome). ear worm. whatever the term, this is my song of the week. :)

========================

and in other news....

wish i hadn't logged on tumblr today. so many olicity gifs from the latest ep. eep!!! never felt this giddy after manilyn and janno, jestoni and rita, and sheryl and romnick. ohohohohohohohohohoho

i am now impatiently waiting for sunday to come. alsjfhnldkafnlawehfa;swfnadflckdjpf (parang high school lang ang peg. ohohohohohohohoho)

thanks living

went to an american friend's despedida party last night. it was a small gathering of people from my friend's office, plus me and and another friend. it was a fun night of food, friends and lovely conversation. and since it's a week or so before thanksgiving in the states and majority of the people in the party are americans, the people decided to make the night a pre-thankgsiving dinner as well. each person around the table shared what they're thankful for, and when my turn came, my mind went unmercifully blank. many thanks to K for giving me a jumpstart :D

so, what am i thankful for? i am very thankful to God that my brother is safe and sound after experiencing the wrath of typhoon haiyan in kalibo, aklan. he has been based there for work since may. he's back home here in manila two days after the typhoon but will be returning to kalibo soon. 

after the sharing and the conversation went on to other topics, i got to listing in my mind more things that i am thankful for:

- my relatives in roxas city, capiz are also safe. 

- despite the ugly news about politicians politicking at a time like this, the many other nameless filipinos quietly volunteer their time in helping out any way they can to aid the victims. they are the ones who keep the bayanihan spirit really and truly alive. mabuhay kayo!

- anderson cooper. i've always admired this guy ever since i saw him on his talk show. the way he delivered his report on what's truly happening in tacloban, without any sugarcoating, sensationalising and such, increased my respect for him even more. anderson cooper, maraming, maraming salamat po.
- people from other countries who dropped everything and went to the philippines in different contingencies to help. from this filipino, i thank you from the bottom of my heart. i know i am speaking for my fellow countrymen when i say that we are all grateful for your selfless act. we may be quite a forgetful bunch, but we never, ever forget the good others do for us. God bless, and mabuhay kayo!

personal

- lost weight thanks to boxing.

- could finally give my t-shirts a rest.

- was able to develop some sort of discipline regarding my eating habits (more fruits and veggies, less junk!)

- was able to FINALLY learn how to apply make-up by myself. still practising, but i'm getting there.

- collection of david baldacci's king and maxwell series is nearing completion ^_^

 

and that's it. for now. because i have a lot of things to be thankful for this year, will definitely post more soon. 

advance happy thanksgiving! :)

note: title borrowed from one of happyslip's thanksgiving video tanks :)

weekend playlist

what you know - two door cinema

black widow - dolores o'riordan

secret - the pierces

love somebody - maroon 5

giddygiddygiddy

still shipping:

benson and stabler

bones and booth

castle and beckett

new ship!

oliver and felicity

everything to lose - dido

lyrics:

I used to be so fearless, so limitless and free

Happy on my own and nothing really bothered me

I had desires to see the world, jump out of planes and fly

I loved to be alive but I was not afraid to die

I used to be so sure of things and self contained

I could carry on with no need to explain

It didn't matter if I ever made it home

Could go too fast and drink all night and dance alone

I loved to be alive

But I was not afraid to die

I loved to be alive

But I was not afraid to die

I've got everything to lose

I used to be so thoughtless, so easy and free

Could walk away, not think ahead and had no plans to keep

No hand to hold, no one to bring down with me

I wouldn't see the worst and it only hurts me

I loved to be alive

But I was not afraid to die

I've got everything to lose

Since I met you

I've got everything to lose

I've got everything to lose

Since I met you

I've got everything to lose

Since I met you

I've got everything to lose

hold me, thrill me, kiss me - she & him

a good old golden oldies by mel carter. this version here sung by one of my favourite bands, she & him.
mm, would so love to slow dance to this song. :D


lyrics:
Hold me, hold me, never let me go
Until you told me, told me what I want to know
And then just hold me, hold me,
Make me tell you I'm in love with you.

Thrill me, thrill me, walk me down the lane
Wish I will be, will be, hiding others just the same
As we'll be, we'll be when you make me tell you I love you.

They told me be sensible with your new love,
Don't be fool, thinking this is the last you'll find.
But they never stood in the dark with you, love.
When you take me in your arms and drive me slowly out of my mind.

Kiss me, kiss me, and when you do I know that you will
Miss me, miss me if you ever say I do
So kiss me, kiss me, make me tell you I'm in love with you.

They told me be sensible with your new love,
Don't be fool, thinking this is the last you'll find.
But they never stood in the dark with you, love.
When you take me in your arms and drive me slowly out of my mind.

Kiss me, kiss me, and when you do I know that you will
Miss me, miss me, if you ever say I do
So kiss me, kiss me, make me tell you I'm in love with you,
Make me tell you I'm in love with you.

iridescent - linkin park

lyrics:
When you were standing in the wake of devastation
When you were waiting on the edge of the unknown
And with the cataclysm raining down
Insides crying, "Save me now!"
You were there, impossibly alone

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?
You build up hope, but failure’s all you’ve known
Remember all the sadness and frustration
And let it go. Let it go

And in a burst of light that blinded every angel
As if the sky had blown the heavens into stars
You felt the gravity of tempered grace
Falling into empty space
No one there to catch you in their arms

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?
You build up hope, but failure’s all you’ve known
Remember all the sadness and frustration
And let it go. Let it go

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?
You build up hope, but failure’s all you’ve known
Remember all the sadness and frustration
And let it go. Let it go

Let it go
Let it go
Let it go
Let it go

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?
You build up hope, but failure’s all you’ve known
Remember all the sadness and frustration
And let it go. Let it go

comfort zones

1. dubbing
2. looping one of my favourite songs of all time (roman ketiga by white shoes and the couples company).
3. jeans
4. chuck taylors
5. teaching

kwentong make-up

ang usapan namin ng mga kasamahan ko sa cr kanina.

moi: mukha na ba akong may make-up?
girl 1: wala po, ate.
moi: (lagay-lagay uli ng blush) ayan, meron na?
girl 1: konti pa po.

moi: ano pa kulang?
girl 2: yung kilay mo, ate.
moi: oo nga eh! hirap ako sa eyebrow pencil na 'to ha.
girl 2: kailangan mo ring ahitin.
moi: ehh...

moi (sumuko na sa eyebrow pencil): um, pwedeng pahiram niyan? (to girl 1's eyebrow brush)
girl 1: ah sige, heto.
moi: tenkyu. (brush-brush)
girl 2: ayan ate, nagkakakulay na yung kilay mo.
moi: huwaw talaga?!
girl 2: oo, pero maganda kung ahitin din.
moi: wala akong dalang pang-ahit.
girl 2: may dala ako, pahiram ko sa iyo.
moi: ehh ok na to baka masira ko pa ang sabog kong kilay, pero tenkyu.

girl 1: naku ate, kailangan mo pa ng eyeliner.
moi: itong eyebrow pencil, diba pwede rin naman gawing eyeliner?
girl 1: try mo na lang ang liquid eyeliner. meron ako dito.
moi (silently debating which is better): sige (sabay lunok ng pride), pwede mo ba ako lagyan?
girl 1: o sure! (nang matapos) wag ka muna didilat ha, baka mapunta yan sa mata mo.
moi: sige, tenkyu uli ha. (sabay dukot ng pamaypay mula sa bag at nagpaypay ng mukha)

girl 1: ayan, lipstick na lang.
moi: ah, yun kaya ko nang gawin.


actually, nag make-up na ako bago umalis. apparently very light pa rin pala ang pag-apply ko. memo to me: konti pang praktis!

girl 1 and girl 2, salamat sa tulong niyo. tatanawin ko itong malaking utang na loob. :)

sometimes

“Oh", she thought, "how horrible it is that people have to grow up-and marry-and change!”
― L.M. Montgomery, Anne of the Island

=========================

proust questionnaire

What is your current state of mind?
hilo.

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
lying down on the beach or grass staring up the blue, blue or starry, starry sky

What is your greatest fear?
living with the knowledge that the last words my loved ones heard from me are harsh ones.

Which living person do you most admire?
daphne osena-paez. she's so classy and makes the girly stuff fun. she hasn't an ounce of kaartehan in her.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
procrastination

What is the trait you most deplore in others?
mapapel at manipulative

What is it that you most dislike?
political correctness

What is your greatest extravagance?
books and food

What do you most value in your friends?
loyalty, trust

What is your favorite journey?
palawan 2000 and 2010, usa 2002 and 2007, boracay 2007

What are your most treasured possessions?
notebook, planner and pen

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
ewan, whatever, blah

What is your favorite color?
red

What is your favorite flower?
rose

What are your favorite names?
antulio, soren, gonzalo, osvaldo, romulus, alba, christine, elizabeth, amanda, iluminada, inamorada

What or who is the greatest love of your life?
my loved ones.

When and where were you happiest?
new jersey/new york 2002

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
if physical trait: hair type. if anything about the mind: become a math whiz. ;p

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
still getting into the voice acting industry.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
being unappreciated.

What is your favorite occupation?
travelling and trying out new things

What are your most marked characteristics?
silver rings, my penchant for the unconventional and inconvenient, ratty sneakers

Who are your favorite heroes of fiction?
anne shirley, tintin

How would you like to die?
car accident or a gunshot wound

What is your motto?
don't judge the book by its cover

no good deed

lyrics:

ELPHABA
(spoken) Fiyero!
(sung) Eleka nahmen nahmen
Ah tum ah tum eleka nahmen
Eleka nahmen nahmen
Ah tum ah tum eleka nahmen

Let his flesh not be torn
Let his blood leave no stain
When they beat him
Let him feel no pain
Let his bones never break
And however they try
To destroy him
Let him never die:
Let him never die:

Eleka nahmen nahmen
Ah tum ah tum eleka nahmen
Eleka nahmen nahmen
Ah tum ah tum eleka: eleka:

What good is this chanting?
I don't even know what I'm reading!
I don't even know what trick I ought to try
Fiyero, where are you?
Already dead of bleeding.
One more disaster I can add to my
Generous supply?
No good deed goes unpunished
No act of charity goes unresented
No good deed goes unpunished
That's my new creed
My road of good intentions
Led where such roads always lead
No good deed
Goes unpunished!

Nessa:
Doctor Dillamond:
Fiyero:
Fiyero!!

One question haunts and hurts
Too much, too much to mention:
Was I really seeking good
Or just seeking attention?
Is that all good deeds are
When looked at with an ice-cold eye?
If that's all good deeds are
Maybe that's the reason why

No good deed goes unpunished
All helpful urges should be circumvented
No good deed goes unpunished
Sure, I meant well -
Well, look at what well-meant did:
All right, enough - so be it
So be it, then:
Let all Oz be agreed
I'm wicked through and through
Since I can not succeed
Fiyero, saving you
I promise no good deed
Will I attempt to do again
Ever again
No good deed
Will I do again!

before and after

before (written 2011)

I.
looking at my recent pictures (and the mirror), a huge blow is dealt upon my psyche. i seriously need to do something with my appearance. FAST. 
1. chopping off most of my hair to a manageable length would be a good start.
2. then go to the boxing gym as much as i can. it's really disheartening to wear clothes a size or two bigger than what i used to wear, especially since my atrocious eating habits heavily contributed to my excessive weight gain. i can't wear my cute blousies anymore and have to settle for t-shirts instead. my goodness. i seem to have regressed to elementary fashion. grr. so. not. good.
3.  in line with elementary fashion, i badly need to update my wardrobe. i think the last time i shopped for clothes was... was... oh my, i've already forgotten. le pathetique. =))
4. learn to apply make up... all by myself!!! for those sundays and special occasions. and yeah, haul my butt off to some store and get myself some pressed powder already. at least i have a spanking new lip gloss again (which unfortunately i can't find at the moment.) hayy. the things a girl should do to look good. hahaha.


II. 
late last year i rediscovered--err, unearthed my borloloys (lotsa bangles and bracelets, pairs of studs, loop and and dangling earrings, and the stray necklace or two with pendants) after my nth spring cleaning of my room. then i herded all my bottles of nail polish in a small basket and put them inside the ref. that's because the temperature makes the nail polish last longer. 

and then there's the matter of color of some of my stuff. 

pink ipod mini. pink knitted headband. bottles of perfume? why, pink of course (lovely by sarah jessica parker <my  most fave scent>, sweet honesty by avon, she by j & e sozio, esprit). pink bath soap. pink shampoo and conditioner. pink shower gels (one even has the word "pink" in its name: <white cotton> & pink lily by victoria's secret which has a really, really nice, warm and fuzzy scent; the other is sweet pea by body nature). pink towel. heck, even a pink razor. and yeah, a pair of pink socks. 

HUWAAAT!

what a discovery! omigosh, i'm like, so superdupermegaultra kikay naman pala. ;p

and to think my favorite color of all time is really red. the bloodier or more cherry-ish shade, the better. i just realised i had quite a number of pink stuff while i was staring blankly at my toiletries in my beautiful, newly renovated bathroom earlier today. :)

so anyway, i guess the girly color plus all those borloloys and nail polish would qualify me now as kikay, huh?

now i'll just have to make it my personal mission to learn how to apply make-up on those certain special occasions.
and to use all the lotions, lip balms i've been given before they totally get past the expiry date.
and to use an honest-to-goodness hairdryer that doesn't overheat after just three uses.
and to have pressed powder and lip gloss at the ready all the time. (i still haven't gotten around to replacing the powder that got stolen along with my beloved camera phone last year)
and to remember to comb my hair more often.
and to let it down once in a while. (maybe when it's super short and manageable already)
and to get a nice pair of strappy sandals and/or heels.

and...

...to have my brows trimmed regularly. because. i. keep. forgetting.

gaahh! heaven help me!

i'm not so kikay after all.

boo-hoo-hoo!

====================

now

Yes, for many years I have let myself go in terms of putting much thought into my appearance. Jeans, shirts or blouse and sneakers are my signature look for just about everything--may it be work-related, personal or social business. I loved how my work never really required me to wear something stifling such as a business suit. I loved it so much that in fact, I even wore pajamas. (Yeah, well that's cos I worked from home once upon a time.) And I never wore any make-up. At all. Except on special occasions. I always have my face made up on special occasions by ladies who took pity on little old me cos I didn't know how to put on make-up by myself. Now how pathetic is that, huh.

Having said all these, I never really cared what people think about how I look.

Then again...

It's not too late to learn how to put on make-up.

It's not too late to learn how to be dress well without becoming my idea of being maarte.

Yes. Level up, girl.




p.s.
my hair is still a lost cause though. if anything, i would love to shave it all off. 

liham

15 april 2009

dear j.a.,

ilang taon na tayong hindi nag-uusap. matagal na rin kitang hindi naiisip. pero sa tuwing naiisip kita, hindi ko alam ang mararamdaman ko. siguro halong tuwa at inis. tuwa dahil sa mga alaala natin at inis dahil hindi ako naniwala sa sinabi mo. pero ewan ko. ewan ko lang. sa mga panahong binabasa ko ang mga ipinadala mong sulat sa akin, kakaiba ang nararamdaman ko. hindi ako sanay sa ganun kaya siguro hindi na lamang ako naniwala lalo na sa pinakahuling sulat. 

ilang taon na ang nakararaan, at sa tuwing naaalala ko ang mga panahong nag-uusap pa tayo, napapaisip ako. ano kaya kung...? 

gusto ko sanang ipadala ang liham na ito kaso hindi mo ito maiintindihan. pero gusto pa rin kitang makita.

lotts.


===========================

19 august 2013

dear j.a.,

kasal ka na. natutuwa ako para sa iyo at sa asawa mo.

God bless.

 lotts.

randoms

spent the whole day yesterday doing ultra-girly stuff that i never thought i'd do--learning how to put on make-up. in the company of bubbly and makukulit mommies. conversations in between putting on primers, foundations, and other assorted powders and creams were peppered with local showbiz gossip, recent political brouhahas, and of course, stories of the kiddies which i enjoyed listening to. 

it was an unusual day indeed for this old lady here. unusual, but totally fun.

i suddenly found myself thinking of what kind of cosmetics i should buy to prettify myself with.

level up girl, level up.


HA!

==================

it was windy all friday night. then it rained all day yesterday. the rain went on until today. love the cold.

that's all.

un giorno cosi - 883

the song that caught my attention when i watched letters to juliet. 

  

travel

far
fast.
slow.
fast again.
slow down.
wait.
doze off.
wake.
remain.
blood boils.
snail's pace.
choke in smoke.
snaaaaiiiiilllll's paaaaaaaccceee.
choke in smoke.

halfway
zoom.
stop.
repeat 10x
transfer.
zoom.
stop.
wait.
wait.
move a bit.
wait.
waaaiiiitt.
move a bit.
waaaaaaaaaiiiiiiittt.
waaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiittttt.
blood boils.
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt.
move.
zoom.
FINALLY.

destination.


and that, my friends, is my two-hour jeepney travel from marikina to san juan.
on a saturday.

would you be happier by the corrs

you're gonna be just fine (gonna be just fine)
i think you're gonna be just fine
don't worry baby
you're gonna be just fine
don't worry honey
you're gonna be just fine
don't worry baby
i think you're gonna be just fine

alice by avril lavigne

lyrics:

Trippin out
Spinning around
I'm underground
I fell down
Yeah I fell down

I'm freaking out, where am I now?
Upside down and I can't stop it now
Can't stop me now, oh oh

I,I, I'll get by
I,I, I'll survive
When the world's crashing down
When I fall and hit the ground
I will turn myself around
Don't you try to stop me
I,I, I won't cry

I found myself in Wonderland
Got back on my feet, again
Is this real?
Is this pretend?
I'll take a stand until the end

I,I, I'll get by
I,I, I'll survive
When the world's crashing down
When I fall and hit the ground
I will turn myself around
Don't you try to stop me
I,I, I won't cry

I,I, I'll get by
I,I, I'll survive
When the world's crashing down
When I fall and hit the ground
I will turn myself around
Don't you try to stop me
I,I, and I won't cry 






emote-emote lang... 

lights

Balloons. Loot bags. Cake. Ice cream. Cotton candy. Games. Prizes. Plus the optional party host and magic/puppet show. These are just some of the things one can expect to find in a birthday party.

Some birthday parties have a theme, some don't. Some are extravagant, and some are simple. But either way, these parties are absolutely fun.

And in birthday parties, one can definitely see happy kids, parents, and guests, who are all there to join in the special day. 

The birthday celebrant is no doubt the star of the party. He or she gets to be the first volunteer in games or shows, the first in line for the loot bags, and of course, the one who gets to blow the candles on the birthday cake. Unless the baby brother or sister or an overexcited friend blows first.

Everybody laughs. Everybody claps. Everybody sings.

Mum and Dad give their birthday wishes.

Birthday boy or girl says thank you.

Or hides behind Mum and Dad, too shy to say anything.

How cute.

Sigh.

Sometimes I wish.
I could be a part of that mysterious yet not-so-mysterious world called parenthood.  
It must be wonderful to see your child's eyes shine bright with happiness.
That in itself is a gift enough to parents.

kababawan galore

ang saya pala mag-unli. how could i have ever thought that it's a waste of money.

this is not a movie review.

a friend invited me to watch four sisters and a wedding. i was opposed to watching this film at first. but when i watched the trailer and saw that it is more of a family movie than a romantic comedy as i initially thought, i gave in. i am such a sucker for family movies.

the other factor that convinced me to watch it:

sisters. i don't have any. so at least even in a movie, i could have a glimpse of what it's like to have a sister.

factors that made me like it:

1. sisters. i don't have any. so at least even in a movie, i could have a glimpse of what it's like to have a sister. 

2. sister issues. scary thought. if any of my brothers will have an issue with me much like bobbie (bea alonzo) and alex's (angel locsin), I will have an issue with that. seriously now, i like how the characters in four sisters and a wedding dealt with their problems.

3. the comedy factor. of course. it's a given. i love a movie that makes me laugh.

4. the drama factor. well. that "i'm sorry, i'm so sorry (repeat n times)" line definitely did me in. yeah i'm a sucker for drama as well. 

5. teddie's (toni gonzaga) situation. i could so totally relate to that. 

6. bobbie's situation. i could so totally relate to that. 

7. gabby's (shaina magdayao) status: single. yes.
8. cute pala si enchong dee. almost as cute as my own little brother. love your own, friends. but yeah. he's cute.

  

identity

status

i've been a church kid since i was old enough to remember. i practically grew up there, which is why i was surprised as i was about to register to vote during the election of new deacons and elders some years ago. i discovered something about myself.

i was deceased.

was i?! what a discovery! up until that time i never realised that i was really dead. the poll watcher told me that my older brother had voted ahead of me and was displeased when he saw my deceased status so he erased it. well, i found the whole thing too hilarious for words that i was laughing all throughout as i cast my vote. 

funny thing is, i saw that my status remained the same when it was time to vote again for new deacons and elders just last year. and i guffawed just as hard.

so yes, folks, i'm dead as dead can be. and i am actually blogging from the misty shadows of the netherworld. :)

seriously, i find the whole situation funny. no sarcasmo ^_^

european...?

i recently signed up as a volunteer in a rescue team with my brother. that fact was swept in the back of my mind up until this afternoon. my brother showed me a printed list of the volunteers who came to the meeting. he then pointed to a strange name on the list, saying that he never knew anyone who has that name, until he saw that person's cell phone number and email address.

guess who that is, folks? 

yup, it's yours truly!

apparently, my very beautiful and flowery handwriting made the poor encoder dizzy (my apologies, ma'am, sir). the last few letters certainly made my name european-looking: carle megiz.

kielbasa!!!

 

vignettes

one day i was playing with my two year-old nephew. i was helping him build buildings and train tracks with the dominoes that i have with me at home. my nephew just loves those dominoes that he always asks for them whenever he comes over. so anyway, i got around to teasing him a bit. i held up a domino to his face and said, "this is a cookie." and then i pretended to eat it.

with all the seriousness of a two year-old, my nephew replied, "no, that's not food."

oo nga naman. 

where, oh where did kids' imaginations go these days? :))

===================

 my tita and kid cousin went to the casa one afternoon. my tita went to my house while my cousin went to the other house to play with my nephew. later that afternoon i dropped by the other house to check on my nephew and cousin, who were by now lying on the floor and watching a video. a few minutes after i sat down, the deluge began. i was pelted with slippers, toy submarines, tanks and even a potty; kicked on the shins and clambered upon endlessly by two energetic little boys out to get the monster. read: moi. well, this monster got back at those two naughty boys with a mega dose of the tickles and incessant growling, setting them off in waves of giggles and running for cover. ah, yes. there's nothing like a good quality time with my cousin and nephew. 

if and when God blesses me with a family, i want to have boys.  

===================

 it is rare that i do that "emote" thing in front of anyone, especially to members of my family. but just a couple of days after my birthday, i got into a mini-funk and told my mum that i'm already *toot* and i haven't done anything meaningful in my life yet.

her answer? "heto, o." ("here") and gestured toward the food i reheated.

a-huh-huh-huh! (laugh alla that jeepney horn)

so much for sharing what's on my mind. :)

bow.

defying gravity

GLINDA
(spoken) Elphaba - why couldn't you have stayed calm for
once, instead of flying off the handle!
(sung) I hope you're happy!
I hope you're happy now
I hope you're happy how you
Hurt your cause forever
I hope you think you're clever!

ELPHABA
I hope you're happy
I hope you're happy, too
I hope you're proud how you
Would grovel in submission
To feed your own ambition

BOTH
So though I can't imagine how
I hope you're happy right now

GLINDA
(spoken) Elphie, listen to me. Just say you're sorry:
(sung) You can still be with the Wizard
What you've worked and waited for
You can have all you ever wanted:

ELPHABA
(spoken) I know:
(sung) But I don't want it -
No - I can't want it
Anymore:

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down!

GLINDA
Can't I make you understand?
You're having delusions of grandeur:

ELPHABA
I'm through accepting limits
'Cuz someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!
I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down:
(spoken) Glinda - come with me. Think of what we could
do: together.

(sung) Unlimited
Together we're unlimited
Together we'll be the greatest team
There's ever been
Glinda -
Dreams, the way we planned 'em

GLINDA
If we work in tandem:

BOTH
There's no fight we cannot win
Just you and I
Defying gravity
With you and I
Defying gravity

ELPHABA
They'll never bring us down!
(spoken) Well? Are you coming?

GLINDA
I hope you're happy
Now that you're choosing this

ELPHABA
(spoken) You too
(sung) I hope it brings you bliss

BOTH
I really hope you get it
And you don't live to regret it
I hope you're happy in the end
I hope you're happy, my friend:

ELPHABASo if you care to find me
Look to the western sky!
As someone told me lately:
"Ev'ryone deserves the chance to fly!"
And if I'm flying solo
At least I'm flying free
To those who'd ground me
Take a message back from me
Tell them how I am
Defying gravity
I'm flying high
Defying gravity
And soon I'll match them in renown
And nobody in all of Oz
No Wizard that there is or was
Is ever gonna bring me down!

GLINDA
I hope you're happy!

CITIZENS OF OZ
Look at her, she's wicked!
Get her!

ELPHABA
:Bring me down!

CITIZENS OF OZ
No one mourns the wicked
So we've got to bring her

ELPHABA
Ahhh!

CITIZENS OF OZ
Down!