sometimes

“Oh", she thought, "how horrible it is that people have to grow up-and marry-and change!”
― L.M. Montgomery, Anne of the Island

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proust questionnaire

What is your current state of mind?
hilo.

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
lying down on the beach or grass staring up the blue, blue or starry, starry sky

What is your greatest fear?
living with the knowledge that the last words my loved ones heard from me are harsh ones.

Which living person do you most admire?
daphne osena-paez. she's so classy and makes the girly stuff fun. she hasn't an ounce of kaartehan in her.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
procrastination

What is the trait you most deplore in others?
mapapel at manipulative

What is it that you most dislike?
political correctness

What is your greatest extravagance?
books and food

What do you most value in your friends?
loyalty, trust

What is your favorite journey?
palawan 2000 and 2010, usa 2002 and 2007, boracay 2007

What are your most treasured possessions?
notebook, planner and pen

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
ewan, whatever, blah

What is your favorite color?
red

What is your favorite flower?
rose

What are your favorite names?
antulio, soren, gonzalo, osvaldo, romulus, alba, christine, elizabeth, amanda, iluminada, inamorada

What or who is the greatest love of your life?
my loved ones.

When and where were you happiest?
new jersey/new york 2002

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
if physical trait: hair type. if anything about the mind: become a math whiz. ;p

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
still getting into the voice acting industry.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
being unappreciated.

What is your favorite occupation?
travelling and trying out new things

What are your most marked characteristics?
silver rings, my penchant for the unconventional and inconvenient, ratty sneakers

Who are your favorite heroes of fiction?
anne shirley, tintin

How would you like to die?
car accident or a gunshot wound

What is your motto?
don't judge the book by its cover

no good deed

lyrics:

ELPHABA
(spoken) Fiyero!
(sung) Eleka nahmen nahmen
Ah tum ah tum eleka nahmen
Eleka nahmen nahmen
Ah tum ah tum eleka nahmen

Let his flesh not be torn
Let his blood leave no stain
When they beat him
Let him feel no pain
Let his bones never break
And however they try
To destroy him
Let him never die:
Let him never die:

Eleka nahmen nahmen
Ah tum ah tum eleka nahmen
Eleka nahmen nahmen
Ah tum ah tum eleka: eleka:

What good is this chanting?
I don't even know what I'm reading!
I don't even know what trick I ought to try
Fiyero, where are you?
Already dead of bleeding.
One more disaster I can add to my
Generous supply?
No good deed goes unpunished
No act of charity goes unresented
No good deed goes unpunished
That's my new creed
My road of good intentions
Led where such roads always lead
No good deed
Goes unpunished!

Nessa:
Doctor Dillamond:
Fiyero:
Fiyero!!

One question haunts and hurts
Too much, too much to mention:
Was I really seeking good
Or just seeking attention?
Is that all good deeds are
When looked at with an ice-cold eye?
If that's all good deeds are
Maybe that's the reason why

No good deed goes unpunished
All helpful urges should be circumvented
No good deed goes unpunished
Sure, I meant well -
Well, look at what well-meant did:
All right, enough - so be it
So be it, then:
Let all Oz be agreed
I'm wicked through and through
Since I can not succeed
Fiyero, saving you
I promise no good deed
Will I attempt to do again
Ever again
No good deed
Will I do again!

before and after

before (written 2011)

I.
looking at my recent pictures (and the mirror), a huge blow is dealt upon my psyche. i seriously need to do something with my appearance. FAST. 
1. chopping off most of my hair to a manageable length would be a good start.
2. then go to the boxing gym as much as i can. it's really disheartening to wear clothes a size or two bigger than what i used to wear, especially since my atrocious eating habits heavily contributed to my excessive weight gain. i can't wear my cute blousies anymore and have to settle for t-shirts instead. my goodness. i seem to have regressed to elementary fashion. grr. so. not. good.
3.  in line with elementary fashion, i badly need to update my wardrobe. i think the last time i shopped for clothes was... was... oh my, i've already forgotten. le pathetique. =))
4. learn to apply make up... all by myself!!! for those sundays and special occasions. and yeah, haul my butt off to some store and get myself some pressed powder already. at least i have a spanking new lip gloss again (which unfortunately i can't find at the moment.) hayy. the things a girl should do to look good. hahaha.


II. 
late last year i rediscovered--err, unearthed my borloloys (lotsa bangles and bracelets, pairs of studs, loop and and dangling earrings, and the stray necklace or two with pendants) after my nth spring cleaning of my room. then i herded all my bottles of nail polish in a small basket and put them inside the ref. that's because the temperature makes the nail polish last longer. 

and then there's the matter of color of some of my stuff. 

pink ipod mini. pink knitted headband. bottles of perfume? why, pink of course (lovely by sarah jessica parker <my  most fave scent>, sweet honesty by avon, she by j & e sozio, esprit). pink bath soap. pink shampoo and conditioner. pink shower gels (one even has the word "pink" in its name: <white cotton> & pink lily by victoria's secret which has a really, really nice, warm and fuzzy scent; the other is sweet pea by body nature). pink towel. heck, even a pink razor. and yeah, a pair of pink socks. 

HUWAAAT!

what a discovery! omigosh, i'm like, so superdupermegaultra kikay naman pala. ;p

and to think my favorite color of all time is really red. the bloodier or more cherry-ish shade, the better. i just realised i had quite a number of pink stuff while i was staring blankly at my toiletries in my beautiful, newly renovated bathroom earlier today. :)

so anyway, i guess the girly color plus all those borloloys and nail polish would qualify me now as kikay, huh?

now i'll just have to make it my personal mission to learn how to apply make-up on those certain special occasions.
and to use all the lotions, lip balms i've been given before they totally get past the expiry date.
and to use an honest-to-goodness hairdryer that doesn't overheat after just three uses.
and to have pressed powder and lip gloss at the ready all the time. (i still haven't gotten around to replacing the powder that got stolen along with my beloved camera phone last year)
and to remember to comb my hair more often.
and to let it down once in a while. (maybe when it's super short and manageable already)
and to get a nice pair of strappy sandals and/or heels.

and...

...to have my brows trimmed regularly. because. i. keep. forgetting.

gaahh! heaven help me!

i'm not so kikay after all.

boo-hoo-hoo!

====================

now

Yes, for many years I have let myself go in terms of putting much thought into my appearance. Jeans, shirts or blouse and sneakers are my signature look for just about everything--may it be work-related, personal or social business. I loved how my work never really required me to wear something stifling such as a business suit. I loved it so much that in fact, I even wore pajamas. (Yeah, well that's cos I worked from home once upon a time.) And I never wore any make-up. At all. Except on special occasions. I always have my face made up on special occasions by ladies who took pity on little old me cos I didn't know how to put on make-up by myself. Now how pathetic is that, huh.

Having said all these, I never really cared what people think about how I look.

Then again...

It's not too late to learn how to put on make-up.

It's not too late to learn how to be dress well without becoming my idea of being maarte.

Yes. Level up, girl.




p.s.
my hair is still a lost cause though. if anything, i would love to shave it all off. 

liham

15 april 2009

dear j.a.,

ilang taon na tayong hindi nag-uusap. matagal na rin kitang hindi naiisip. pero sa tuwing naiisip kita, hindi ko alam ang mararamdaman ko. siguro halong tuwa at inis. tuwa dahil sa mga alaala natin at inis dahil hindi ako naniwala sa sinabi mo. pero ewan ko. ewan ko lang. sa mga panahong binabasa ko ang mga ipinadala mong sulat sa akin, kakaiba ang nararamdaman ko. hindi ako sanay sa ganun kaya siguro hindi na lamang ako naniwala lalo na sa pinakahuling sulat. 

ilang taon na ang nakararaan, at sa tuwing naaalala ko ang mga panahong nag-uusap pa tayo, napapaisip ako. ano kaya kung...? 

gusto ko sanang ipadala ang liham na ito kaso hindi mo ito maiintindihan. pero gusto pa rin kitang makita.

lotts.


===========================

19 august 2013

dear j.a.,

kasal ka na. natutuwa ako para sa iyo at sa asawa mo.

God bless.

 lotts.

randoms

spent the whole day yesterday doing ultra-girly stuff that i never thought i'd do--learning how to put on make-up. in the company of bubbly and makukulit mommies. conversations in between putting on primers, foundations, and other assorted powders and creams were peppered with local showbiz gossip, recent political brouhahas, and of course, stories of the kiddies which i enjoyed listening to. 

it was an unusual day indeed for this old lady here. unusual, but totally fun.

i suddenly found myself thinking of what kind of cosmetics i should buy to prettify myself with.

level up girl, level up.


HA!

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it was windy all friday night. then it rained all day yesterday. the rain went on until today. love the cold.

that's all.