Unboxing

Opening a Pandora's Box of memories can be quite the event for an overly sentimental old fool. Reactions can range from "aww" to downright cringe. 

Now, make that two boxes filled with over two decades' worth of memories and we'll see what that will do to that aforesaid fool.

That sentimental old fool in question by the way is moi.

A week's worth of deep cleaning unearthed two cute tin boxes that contain every imaginable stuff that was meaningful to a younger Miss Lotts. Postcards from friends, postcards sent to myself, letters from family and friends, some cheesy and swoon/cringe-worthy missives (ahem); notes surreptitiously passed during class that predate texting (yeah I'm that old), and even bits of trash that I do not remember why I kept them in the first place. 

The older of the two boxes also contains the beginning of my journalling days: my little blue notebooks. I started buying them around my sophomore year of college after my best friend D got me into writing down my random thoughts. I was that kid who grew up thinking that writing in diaries was super corny because I thought every entry should start with a "Dear Diary". And "Dear Diary" just sounds too cheesy and corny to my young ears at the time. 

Of course D set me straight on that grave misconception and thus started me out with passing notes written on yellow pad paper about anything that comes to mind. Notes that included lyrics to a commercial jingle and whatnot from what I can remember. It was when D transferred to another university that finally I bought my first little blue notebook, for who will I pass a note to when she's so far away already, no?

Like Pandora, I was curious to see what those tin boxes contain. While I know what's literally inside them, I have no idea how opening them will affect me this time. A tug of the lid and a quick riffle through the contents was enough to bombard me with memories of a little more than half my lifetime. All in just under a minute. 

Now, what if I read just one thing? Say, a card. Well, I just about died reading the super short note inside it. So many what-ifs danced in my head. Consider that box closed for life.

Unlike Pandora, however, I have plenty of opportunities to change my mind about opening the boxes. So I reopened that particular box tonight and pulled out one of the cringey notebooks to read. Anyone who heard me howling with derisive laughter and comforting and cursing my nineteen-year-old self at the same time would think I have finally lost my mind. I would think so too.

the great (over)sleep

guess i should put it out here for posterity. for the first time in history, i slept all morning yesterday. people in my inner circle would know how i moan and groan about how i get only 5-6 hours of sleep each night. granted, i woke up at 5am yesterday thanks or no thanks to my body clock, checked my phone for a bit, then fell back asleep after a while. it must have been such a sound one though cos the next time i woke up, it was already super warm in my room which meant it was already noon or nearing it. it was about 11.15. i basked in this rare feat for a while and then i really had to get up since the heat was becoming unbearable. 

this reminds me of a friend of mine whose body clock is so whacked that she has this enviable feat of sleeping all morning. i am only slightly jealous of that since i only wanted to have the ability to have an interrupted sleep, not a body clock that is more constantly in sync with a time zone eight hours behind ours. we often joke about it with me asking her for some of her sleeping "energy" the way she does.

so anyway. one of my adult wishes was granted yesterday. grabe, i feel so proud of myself. ha! wala lang. 

year one

i've been meaning to write in this thing for quite some time but was too lazy. well, i feel like writing now so here it is.

it's been a year and a week since luzon was placed in lockdown. and a year and a week hence, we are back to where we started. cases have risen once more and we are back to curfew. just curfew?! nocturnal daw kasi yung virus kaya ganun! 😆if i were them i'd have placed at least metro manila in temporary lockdown again. 

am not really surprised at the rise in cases. once the metro was placed in gcq, everything was back to pre-pandemic state practically in an instant. it's as if there's no virus lurking around. the only difference is that there's still the physical distancing, people are still wearing masks and face shields; the contact tracing forms are present in all establishments; alcohol and sanitisers still being sold by the gallons, etc. then again, the face shields and the filling out of contact tracing forms are going the way of becoming a mere suggestion, a distant memory, even. even if the regulations are still in place. 

prior to the recent surge in cases came the vaccines. finally! but even the vaccine rollout is currently thrashing under the insufferable politicking of some ldhjehfqlcmnlwwliehfe. my heart breaks for all of us who have to endure such incompetence.

so yep. we're back where we started with more cases than ever. so it's back to grocery deliveries. back to staying at home except for essential errands. just with the usual pre-pandemic noise of vehicles passing by. 

one saving grace at least on my end is that i am working from home once again just before the metro-wide curfew was announced. a little backstory. in the second half of 2020, i underwent a series of being placed in no-work, no pay status, being recalled, then placed back in nwnp until i finally got retrenched. such is the story of most people working in small businesses hit hard by the pandemic. finally got a job after some months of searching and had to work onsite for a month before we were deployed to our homes. so far, so good and i am enjoying it. 

i must say though, that one month of going out to work felt a bit like playing russian roulette with death. ha. or maybe that's just me being overly dramatic. but it can't be helped that there's that fear of catching covid every time i ride the train, get on an elevator, and anything that would require personal interactions. yet at the same time, there's that will to fight through that very fear that has kept us in our homes for the past year (as well as the fear of not being able to pay the bills lol). so i continue to wear my armour of prayers, alcohol, face mask, and face shield any time i am required to go out. at any rate, i'm just glad to be working from home again since i never liked going out that much, covid or no covid.

was sound tripping a few nights ago when i realised that the songs i was listening to were released around 2010-2015. and in some way i got to thinking, wow, we did have a life before all this madness. however, that life felt like a dream and we're living in this nightmare now. which reminds me of a previous post where i told my friend that i've quite forgotten what life was like before covid. that sentiment still holds true and i find myself reminiscing the "good old days"--2019 and further back--when i listen to music.

everyone sees 2020 as the most horrible year in recent history. some even consider it as "the-year-that-must-not-be-mentioned". if anything, 2020 showed what human nature really is like when faced with adversity, and the internet made it even easier to see it. there were the stories of hope and hopelessness. growth, regression, and stagnation were amplified in all sectors of society thanks or no thanks to social media. 

my 2020 experience is very much like my high school years and a certain year-that-must-not-be-mentioned--awful, with pockets of light shining through the parts that had managed to crack. that light meaning personal growth in every aspect, stuff learned, events that brighten up each week. meaning, i will always have mixed feelings about 2020 until the day i die. ha.  

today

decided to go to church and meet up with some friends afterwards for lunch and whatnot. had a lot of fun chatting about anything that came to mind. enjoyed the unique burger meal i had in mo's burger. also saw an old friend from work, bought some stuff in the supermarket, and chatted some more with my friends with a few photo ops in between sips of our zen milk tea in kumori. then went home, watched a movie, cooked dinner, ate dinner with family. these activities make for a pretty regular sunday if you think about it. but with covid, nothing is really "regular" anymore. 

starting of course with the mandatory wearing of face mask and face shield within public premises. let's face it. it's difficult to talk to someone without having to ask them to repeat themselves because their voices sound muffled and hollow behind their own protective gear. so of course we move closer in order to hear each other clearly. so much for social distancing in that regard. 

next would be the completion of contact tracing forms in every single establishment before entry.  there are two ways for this to be done: by paper and by qr code. thus queues form especially if you are quite slow in writing down your information. they aren't that long actually, but to me a queue is a queue and i have no patience whatsoever with slowpokes. i am that slowpoke sometimes. 

lastly, the temperature checks and spraying of hand sanitisers. these, along with the wearing of face mask (face shields weren't required until just a couple months ago) were considered our first line of defense since february. 

now combine all those factors with meeting up with friends and family. this one is kept to the barest minimum. i mentioned in a previous post that i get that touch of guilt whenever i go out because there's always that underlying fear of catching covid or worse, passing it to people unknowingly. even when i strictly follow safety guidelines to the point of being suspicious at the slightest cough. although everyone had been subject to all these guidelines for the past eight months, there are just some times wherein it gets exhausting especially since some of our country's so-called leaders think they're exempted but that's a story for another day. 

so exhausting that when i see characters in old tv shows or movies interact closely with each other, i think, is that how we really lived before this madness? it seems like i have forgotten what a good old pre-covid day feels like. i told my friend so and she agreed wholeheartedly. having to live with covid hanging over our heads has done a number on us in so many ways. whether we like it or not, it has indeed part of our "regular" days until a vaccine is found. so until then, taking the utmost care will be the name of the game.

i would have zoned out on my friends with these gloomy thoughts had i not checked out this paper wrapper that contained my krone. 

and i am jerked back to what really matters: cherish the moments spent with loved ones. in the short time i was able to get out, i was able to return to church. had a great time bonding with friends who i hardly saw for the past eight months except online. and then things at the home front were calm. even the weather was really cheery. bright blue skies with cool breezes blowing which were rare in the past month.  

yep. today is a good day. 

c'est la vie

today is the last day of the tour de france. how disappointing that i wasn't able to watch the race. our current cable provider doesn't carry eurosport where i watch all three grand races (giro d'italia and la vuelta being the other two). had to make do with updates on tdf's facebook page. surprised to learn that egan bernal withdrew from the race less than a week before the paris stage. he was a contender for both the white and yellow jerseys but eventually dropped out of the overall classification on stage 15 upon losing time, and then in stage 16. 

amazed that another young rider has won tour de france this year. thank goodness for video updates. congratulations, tadej pogacar!

missed froome and thomas in the race. what comes to mind now is that it looks like there won't be the usual team ineos champagne salute later. still, congratulations to team ineos and all the others who participated in this year's tour de france amidst the pandemic. it's not an easy task organising, let alone join a major event where everyone's health is compromised at every turn. this is a historical event in itself. hopefully next year this wave of virus will have waned so the tour can start in july as per usual and not september. i'm just happy that they were able to pull this off. 

looking forward to the giro and la vuelta later this month and in october. 

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have no idea why my back hurts so much when i do chores. as much as i would love to stretch out on my lounge chair the whole weekend, i have no choice but to still move and do the heavy stuff especially laundry and cleaning the house from top to bottom. 

christmas wish list: 

1. robot vacuum, whatever you call it. 

that's it for now. cos just let me cook and do the laundry, but clean the house? yikes no. 

up until now my back is still hurting. 

i'm just getting old, that's what. 

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lying and staring off into space all weekend sound very enticing. can't do that with a clingy sourdough starter which needs to be fed. 

anyway, said starter this weekend was quite active. even with half a cup of starter, the pancakes i made this morning was about a quarter inch thick and oh-so-fluffay! 

also made beignets this afternoon with the dough i made last night. felt so extra when i dipped them in yema, cream cheese, and choco hazelnut instead of dusting them with powdered sugar. well, i wasn't feeling that extra to make my own powdered sugar, so there. easier to dip them in ready-made spreads. ha. still yummeh if you ask me. for some reason i'm imagining purists out there who will want my head for deviating from the traditional. lol.

i also planned to make ube halaya but yeah, my back hurts so i only mashed the ube and saved it for tomorrow's cooking. after work. eep! 

made sure to buy only half a kilo so i would only spend an hour mixing it. my mum kept laughing at the idea of me making ube halaya since she knows how much elbow grease is needed to mix the halaya to the desired consistency. 

pag masarap ang gawa ko, ako lang ang kakain no'n! 

random ramblings

well, well. if it isn't the fourth post here this month. i don't think i've blogged as much as i've had in the past years. but as i always like to say, out of the overabundance of the heart, the fingers speak. a lot. and i really do have a lot to say. it's just that when it's time, i clam up. even my fingers refuse to type the words i needed to say. so whatevs. this would be just like the few previous posts (with the exception of the one before this). feels just a bit forced. i don't even have a topic to write about; just blabber on with some brain farts for good measure. 

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salamat, shopee! 

so i've just made my first-ever purchase at shopee last week. even with my trepidation and impatience with the somewhat messy interface of the app (that's just me, don't judge.), i went ahead and bought myself a zero gravity lounge chair. what brought this about, you ask? well, the weather was so good last week, i just had to bask in it. especially last saturday. it was so sunny but cool as well due to the nonstop breeze. i also love the sound of the wind rushing through the leaves so yes, the great weather made me do it. 

the delivery took just two days to complete, and i was so happy it came in wrapped to death in bubble wrap!!! others take their knitting to their favourite spot in the house; i pop bubbles on my spanking brand new lounge chair just feeling the breeze in the middle of the garden. 

two things: 

1. someone's competing for a chance to use my chair: my pa. it's just so funny to see him so excited about the chair because he's the type to just fall asleep anywhere. well, i can't use the chair in the daytime anyway since i had to work, so i let him happily use it any time he wants to. 

2. i did mention that i bought it because of the great weather we're having, right? well, i had to wait for an extra day to be able to use it outside since it freaking rained on and off all day yesterday. but good things come to those who wait and earlier this afternoon i was able to finally feel the cool breeze i was longing for. 

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ano? ano? pakiulit nga?

these are the words that i kept hearing while on the phone. wearing a face mask and a face shield on top of it makes phone conversations difficult. i had to speak louder than the usual and even then i couldn't be understood by the person i was talking to. better to text instead. 

wearing a face mask and face shield is mandatory now. just couldn't help but feel inconvenienced since it's warmer now around my face. i mentioned on last sunday's post about not feeling that awesome breeze on my face because of the face shield. the other day i went out on a longer errand and even if the mall had airconditioning, my face felt really warm all throughout. 

now i feel bad for feeling inconvenienced when our frontliners in the hospital are working nonstop in the heat of not only their face masks and shields, but their PPEs as well. if these little things are worth using for the sake of everyone's health, then let's use them. 

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i've always been quite proud of not feeling sick while riding on any transportation. the few times i felt carsick is when the driver keeps on braking especially in a traffic jam, or when i'm on a bus. i eventually got used to riding the bus when i started working. it's those oft-used brakes in cars that drive me to the point wherein i feel nauseated. 

for some reason, riding in cars lately make me want to puke. not because the driver is not good, but i think that not being able to ride in any vehicle for weeks on end is the culprit. i really had to buy some mints to help alleviate that feeling. 

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macaulay culkin recently celebrated his 40th birthday and to commemorate it, he tweeted this: 

for some reason i just imagined 10-year-old mack saying that. 

happy 40th!