toots

something that i unearthed in an old blog/webpage of mine. felt like updating so yeah.

8 years ago..

1) How old were you?
      > old enough to be an associate professor.
2) Where did you go to school?
      > already working for several years
3) Where did you work?
      > freelance voice artist and translator
4) Where did you live?
      > metro manila
5) Where did you hang out?
      > studio d, assortment of studios
6) Did you wear contacts?
      > yes
7) Who was your best friend?
      > rao
8) How many tattoos did you have?
      > nada
9) How many piercings did you have?
      > 2
10) Did you drive a car?
      > nope
11) Have you been to a real party?
      > oo naman
12) Had you had your heart broken?
      > i dunno maybe
13) Were you single / Taken / Married /
      > single
14) Any Kids?
      > none

***4 years ago ***
1) How old were you?
      > you do the math
2) Where did you go to school?
      > workinggggg
3) Where did you work?
      > an airline
4) Where did you live?
      > metro manila
5) Where did you hang out?
      > wherever my flights took me
6) Did you wear glasses?
      > yes that and contacts
7) Who were your best friend(s)?
      > those who mattered
8) How many tattoos did you have?
      > wala parin eh!
9) How many piercings did you have?
      > 2 pa rin
10) What car did you drive?
      > does bump car count?
11) Had your heart broken?
      > no
12) Were you Single/Taken/Married/Divorced?
      > happily single
13) Any Kids?
      > none

***Today/2018***
1) How old are you?
      > full professor
2) Where do you work?
      > back to teaching and freelancing keme keme
3) Where do you live?
      > same old
4) Do you wear glasses?
      > always. that and contacts
5) Where do you hang out?
      > depends on my mood
6)Closest friend(s)?
      > still the same, then getting to know new ones better.
7) Do you talk to your old friends?
      > of course. i always do. not hard to do when you've got friends you could count on one hand. ha.
8) How many piercings do you have?
      > 2 pa din
9) How many tattoos?
      > wala
10) What kind of car do you have?
      > hyundai accent
11) Has your heart been broken?
      > no
12) Single/taken/married/divorced?
      > single and lovin' it!
13) Any Children?
      > nada


i therefore conclude i haven't changed that much (again) in 8 years. lol.

tonight

nighttime once again. alone once again with my thoughts which is nothing new to say the least. what's strange is that even if i mentioned in the previous entry posted today that my mind is near to bursting, somehow the words fail to reach my fingertips.

one thing that won't leave me alone now is the fact that today was peppered with a lot of mood swings. one minute i was grinning/smirking over something and then royally annoyed the next at something someone tells me. then after a showdown or two, my heart felt like it's being crushed and i wanted to disappear from the face of the earth. and that looked like a very good idea. sounds so pathetic but that was how it was like. it was only earlier tonight that i realised that this might have been an effect of my hyperthyroidism.

however since this kind of jonah day had happened before, i can't tell for sure whether hyperthyroidism's the cause. which is also why on my first visit to my doctor and he asked me about my level of irritability and mood swings, i answered with a flippant, "well, it's always been like that" followed by a bark of laughter. he didn't find it funny. or maybe he was really good at having a poker face.

my family and i had dinner at greenwich after church tonight. i had to think fast on what to eat since i have literally dreamed of pizza and I WAS NOT ABLE TO EVEN HAVE A SLICE IN MY DREAM. oh, my heart. so anyway i had to think fast since lasagna is also one of my favourites in greenwich and that dish is oh-so-drowning in melted, gooey cheese. good thing the chain offers combo meals so i thought of getting the chicken and spaghetti (no cheese, please!) plate. did not get that after all upon being told that the only chicken part available was rib. so no. i got the solo spaghetti plate instead for myself.

the bundle that the others eventually got included lasagna. i took comfort in the fact that i could still eat the fried chicken wings and potato waves. but of course that didn't mean i didn't want even a bite of that lasagna.

i guess i am quite good at poker face too. outside, i was all calm and collected, but inwardly i was screaming at the unfairness of it all. why me? why do i have to avoid all the food i like? never mind the seafood i have to avoid. why can't i have my good old dairy?

so on and so forth. i know i'm being melodramatic over something as trivial as not being able to have dairy in general but what the hey. i've already made the necessary adjustments to life without dairy (for now) but am just allowing myself to vent. ha.

the innocent (?) lasagna

there are many hours to go before the magic of this cool night will have dissipated but have to end this here. actually no do hit play first and have a watch/listen to kalafina's live performance of the song oblivious from the anime kara no kyoukai: fukan fuukei. :)





ok now good night!

sunday currently vol.27

daytime rarely holds any magic for me. sundays though are a rarity as when it is coupled with the kind of silence much like we have during christmas and easter holidays. so because this afternoon is just so relaxing just as it is at night, i get to churn out whatever thoughts that are already threatening to spill out of my brain. but for now, it is the sunday currently. thanks to siddathornton!

reading: the heart of the matter by emily giffin.

writing: this.

listening to: moonfesta by kalafina.

thinking: of a lot of things.

smelling: nothing.

wishing: for the same thing for a long time now.

wearing: old running jersey and jeans.

loving: arnis.

wanting: the same thing.

needing: to be free from hyperthyroidism and the abstinence from anything dairy and seafood. 

feeling: like i'm in limbo.

LSS: I have a dream - Kalafina

The rains have abated somewhat, giving a much-needed respite from all the dank and wet atmosphere that pervaded the metro for two straight weeks. That did not stop me from socialising with friends, though. I guess it's to make up for lost time due to the happenings last summer. But upon coming home, I go plug my ears and play my current song by Kalafina on loop. Because I learned of Kalafina during the rainy days, well, the rainy days for me now aren't complete without bingeing on their music. (Still do on super sunshiny days, of course.)

Kalafina is a band from Japan formed in 2007 with Hikaru Masai, Keiko Kubota and Wakana Ootaki as its members from the time I learned of them in 2012. A fourth member, Maya Toyoshima, was only active with the band until 2009. Even so, they are such a joy to listen to and especially watch. I love watching their music videos as well as the live ones since they show several elements that are close to my heart: the classic, medieval, fantasy, and that gypsy-like atmosphere. I also find their costumes amazing as well.

More importantly, one can see that their passion for singing just emanates from them, pure and sweet. Each member has a distinctive voice that blends oh, so beautifully when all of them sing together. It is with this last thought of mine that I think how would Kalafina sound now that Keiko and her wonderful contralto voice has left the band just this April. I get bummed just thinking of it which is why for now my playlist consists mostly of Kalafina's songs. Still I wish Keiko well in her future endeavours as well as the remaining members.

Their song that enjoys heavy rotation in my earwaves as of late is I have a dream. It is the theme song of the animated movie Eva no Jikan (Time of Eve), and it is included in Kalafina's 2010 album Red Moon. I found a website on Kalafina that supplies English translations of their songs. Click here.

Now hit play for a watch and listen! This video is actually a surprise for me since all the ruffles and asymmetric gowns I'm used to seeing on Hikaru, Keiko and Wakana are toned way, wayyyy down. And those shirts! The girls rock them! :)

random ramblings

it has stopped raining for the nth time, rendering the night cooler than ever. the rainy season has started indeed. funny since this was easier to announce than summer this year, when it was already in the middle of april when the weather began to really heat up.

the rainy season came right by on time. it started raining last thursday and it has been falling off and on ever since.

for most students, it is just the beginning of another school year. for the others, their summer vacation. and as for the rest of the metro's populace, it's another gradual slide once more into the inevitable carmaggeddon that plagues the city for the rest of the year.

as for me, the season is just that: the rainy season. sometimes i like it (because the weather's cool again), sometimes i don't (never liked squishy sneakers! who does?).

i do have a love-hate relationship with rain. but i find it does help with writing. i haven't had anything posted here for the rest of the summer. most probably it's the heat, among other things. anyway i'm glad my writing mojo has been dampened enough for me to churn out the thoughts that rage in my mind. and thanks to the cool weather, i could snuggle under furry sheets once again.

===============

this year's summer was certainly a summer to remember. or to forget. i wasn't in the best of spirits for the whole summer as i've been riddled with a couple of illnesses that seemed to have no end. they were concentrated in my neck area: tonsillitis and hyperthyroidism. wow. no wonder i've had trouble swallowing, been getting feverish at night yet all right during daytime. and there was the general feeling of weakness all over that i haven't ever gone to arnis training since the second week of april. i think that is the worst thing ever, the second being having no appetite. yep, yours truly lost her appetite for weeks.

at any rate, i'm just glad that there's no more tonsil problems and that my hormones are getting back to normal level thanks to the meds and countless prayers of family and friends. it's a great feeling not to feel anything lumpy in my neck anymore. it's an even more awesome feeling that i'm back to my old weight when i was still in college. ha! i know i've been rambling on in my sunday currently about needing and having to lose weight. well, thanks (or no thanks) to hyperthyroidism, that is goal number 2 achieved. goal number one was to get a belt in arnis. still, i know that constant training in arnis has helped a lot with my weight loss; having hyperthyroidism only accelerated it.

a couple of my friends said that they'd like to lose weight as fast as i had, and i only have one thing to (teasingly) ask them: you wanna get sick with hyperthyroidism too?

of course the answer is no.

my life for now with hyperthyroidism is quite the rollercoaster ride. a huge adjustment, really. mostly it's because of the food i am not allowed to eat, which includes all seafood and seafood-based ingredients, iodized salt, dairy, and egg yolks. i get the no seafood, iodized salt and egg yolk parts, but dairy? my beloved dairy??? during that first week when i was diagnosed, the wheels in my head worked overtime as to how i could substitute all that creamy, milky goodness of cheese, butter, ice cream, etc. and at the same time despairing since I NEED MY DAILY DOSE OF DAIRY! (tantrum, tantrum).

there are a smattering of health food stores in manila wherein they basically serve only those who can really afford the healthy stuff. most of the products are imported and to me seemed kind of rare and strange. come on. almond and cashew milks? since when did nuts develop udders, yeah? then again i think of soy milk which i enjoy drinking. ok, never mind.

so far i've enjoyed adding almond milk to my coffee, hot chocolate, oatmeal, and champorado. same thing with the rice milk and i do prefer it more when simply drinking it. i'm not sure about cashew milk yet but my vegan uncle swears by the cashew-based cream cheese he makes himself.

and then there's coconut milk. ha! i've been cooking and making desserts with it since time immemorial, but i haven't tried using it as a substitute for cow's milk. coconut milk is the easiest to come by because it's readily available in the supermarket. i could even get it fresh from my neighbourhood store and have the coconut meat shredded. once home, i soak the shredded coconut in warm water that covers it just so, then squeeze out the milk with a cheesecloth. a thin towel works well too. kind of like an artisanal beginning for whatever i'm planning to cook. this is also the way i grew up with long before the canned sort came out on the market.

so coconut milk it is. but what about the bread? while most of my countrymen prefer rice for breakfast, it has always been bread for me. i must admit i became a little bit obsessed about the no-iodized salt rule and began checking the ingredients of grocery items i usually purchase. lo and behold, 99.9% of what we buy at the supermarket are made with iodized salt. so just to help myself with getting better, i scoured the internet for foods made with natural ingredients. and since i couldn't live without bread, the closest thing to it that i could easily buy and make myself would be pancakes. pancakes because our oven's busted and no one feels compelled to fix it.

so far i have tried making pancakes with several additions: sweet potato, mango (fresh from our tree in the backyard), sweet potato with cacao nibs, and coco banana. my first try at making sweet potato pancakes was funny. i used purple sweet potato and i thought, purple pancakes might look just as good as those made with the orange kind. but nooooo. after mixing the ingredients, the batter looked a lovely shade of light cement gray. actually it was kind of scary since i need nourishment and my first foray into vegan/paleo/whatever cookery was turning out to be something a mad scientist might do. i cooked it anyway and as the pancakes were cooking, the colour turned from a light cement gray to a radioactive green. 

here's the photo of the finished product for reference:

radioactive pancakes, anyone? :))

don't let the colour scare you. the pancakes were actually tasty and quite filling. my mum raved so much about it so i made several more. nothing like an encouragement from mum, huh? 

there is now a stock of orange sweet potato waiting to be turned into more pancakes and more.

....

it has now been more than three weeks since i've started a change in diet for health reasons. so far, so good. in addition to pancakes, i've also tried my hand at making peanut butter, vegan ice cream and even mojos. everyone at home loved the mojos; the ice cream, not so much although for me it's perfect of course and i couldn't wait to try adding more natural ingredients to it. savoury cooking is easy since i only have to use regular rock salt for flavouring.

the breakfast, pastry and dessert making is more challenging since it's all about substitutions in the ingredients and tweaking recipes for the most part. because like i said, most of the food products sold at health stores are crazy-expensive and i only need a few items there anyway such as the dairy substitutes. now i only need to learn how to make vegan butter and cheese. 

the blender is my newest bff in the kitchen. sorry, santoku knife.