one thing that won't leave me alone now is the fact that today was peppered with a lot of mood swings. one minute i was grinning/smirking over something and then royally annoyed the next at something someone tells me. then after a showdown or two, my heart felt like it's being crushed and i wanted to disappear from the face of the earth. and that looked like a very good idea. sounds so pathetic but that was how it was like. it was only earlier tonight that i realised that this might have been an effect of my hyperthyroidism.
however since this kind of jonah day had happened before, i can't tell for sure whether hyperthyroidism's the cause. which is also why on my first visit to my doctor and he asked me about my level of irritability and mood swings, i answered with a flippant, "well, it's always been like that" followed by a bark of laughter. he didn't find it funny. or maybe he was really good at having a poker face.
my family and i had dinner at greenwich after church tonight. i had to think fast on what to eat since i have literally dreamed of pizza and I WAS NOT ABLE TO EVEN HAVE A SLICE IN MY DREAM. oh, my heart. so anyway i had to think fast since lasagna is also one of my favourites in greenwich and that dish is oh-so-drowning in melted, gooey cheese. good thing the chain offers combo meals so i thought of getting the chicken and spaghetti (no cheese, please!) plate. did not get that after all upon being told that the only chicken part available was rib. so no. i got the solo spaghetti plate instead for myself.
the bundle that the others eventually got included lasagna. i took comfort in the fact that i could still eat the fried chicken wings and potato waves. but of course that didn't mean i didn't want even a bite of that lasagna.
i guess i am quite good at poker face too. outside, i was all calm and collected, but inwardly i was screaming at the unfairness of it all. why me? why do i have to avoid all the food i like? never mind the seafood i have to avoid. why can't i have my good old dairy?
so on and so forth. i know i'm being melodramatic over something as trivial as not being able to have dairy in general but what the hey. i've already made the necessary adjustments to life without dairy (for now) but am just allowing myself to vent. ha.
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| the innocent (?) lasagna |
there are many hours to go before the magic of this cool night will have dissipated but have to end this here. actually no do hit play first and have a watch/listen to kalafina's live performance of the song oblivious from the anime kara no kyoukai: fukan fuukei. :)
ok now good night!
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